Help With Getting Over a Breakup
Posted by amymylove on Sep 06, 2010 · Member since Apr 2009 · 5266 posts
Please peoples I need your help... I need you're amazing ideas on how to get over a massive breakup and get your life going again... This is my first one :(
So far: I wrote a list of things I want to do that will make me happy but I have had a hard time getting out of the house because I feel like a depressed anxiety ridden wreck... I have hung out with good friends a few times
I know I need to start exercising... Tomorrow I wanna try to start
I have been dealing with my ED head on... I have made it through 2 days, working on 3 ED free :)
Any other ideas on what helped you would be nice... I don't have a ton of friends since my existence revolved around this guy
Ok, so......I'm sure you don't want to take advice from me. You don't have to..you can ignore me. I'm sure as hell not losing sleep if you do ignore me. My two cents is this -
Take this time to explore yourself. You've mentioned several times that your world revolved around him. Get to know Amy. What does Amy like? What does Amy enjoy? What makes Amy an unique individual? I know when you start this journey, your head will be full of "we" & "us". Work past that and focus on "I" & "me". Make sense?
And yes, I remember the freaking out/anxiety/stay where I am/not leaving my apt days. I broke down in public quite a few times. I looked like an ass. lol! But I kept pushing forward and I'm going strong. You will get thru this. Take notes if you have to so you know what you learn about yourself.
Ok..maybe that was 3 cents worth? lol
Take this time to explore yourself. You've mentioned several times that your world revolved around him. Get to know Amy. What does Amy like? What does Amy enjoy? What makes Amy an unique individual? I know when you start this journey, your head will be full of "we" & "us". Work past that and focus on "I" & "me". Make sense?
I swear you stole this from The Golden Girls. ;D Anyway...
After something really bad happened in my life I developed agoraphobia for a while and what helped me to get a little comfortable going outside of my house was to bring my dogs. I don't know if you have any but spend time with animals. It might sound stupid but animals help me out a lot.
Other than that, just ride it out. I don't really think that there's much you can do other than trying to not isolate yourself.
It could very well be Golden Girls..or my own golden girl. I'm close to my grandmother. Anyhow, Amy..
Yes, no isolation. I'm a loner 95% of the time. So it's ok (and beneficial to those around me) to let me he alone. But I think what Minke was saying is - it's not helpful to swim in your gloom. If she wasn't saying that, I am. Ha.
Many times I would purge everything in me but not creat new, beneficial progress. Often times I would purge and drown in the same things I used to have inside me. This time, though, it was as beneficial as secondhand smoke. Not good. So get out, explore, fight hard and strong! We'll be here. :)
PS. Minke said some great things.
Hey Amy, would you be comfortable PM-ing me your postal address? I have something I'd like to send you :)
amy getting out is the best idea, and i love the dog thing. take a dog to a dog park, you will meet someone there, it will be good for you to socialize with complete strangers. or go force yourself to take a book to a coffee store and read. just being near other people even if you aren't talking to them helps a whole lot. every day it will get better even if some of those days don't seem easier.
p.s. good job on the ED! we are all supporting you. :)
3 Days is amazing! you go girl! i'd say go for a walk, start appreciating the little things around you that you didnt appreciate before. look at nature and take it all in. go on a hike or to the beach, just somewhere where you feel relaxed. watch jon tucker must die and other empowering female movies. write in your diary. call a friend. have a dinner party or a game night. go bowling. buy a really cute outfit. renovate a room or a piece of furniture. color or draw. dance. take a kickboxing class. do some arts and crafts. and most importantly talk about it. whatever youre feeling, tell someone. even if they dont have advice you'll feel so much better getting it off your chest.
It sounds like you're already doing a great job Amy! I agree that going to some kind of work-out class, even yoda or pilates would be fun, sometimes you can get a free week at a studio or find good community-center class thats usually cheaper than the fancy places. Setting it up as something to do 1-2 a week with a friend, or getting to know the other people in the class would be fun to look forward to.
Maybe make a chart/or keep a written calendar in a visable spot with your goals on it, (take it slow, going without ED sounds like a great goal, so don't over-whelm yourself with other goals either). That way you can see all your progress and feel-good about it!
You go girl!
Thank you all times infinity!!! i know i need to be my own person and i am so desperately trying... thank u VH for all the ideas <3... yes the ED is a big task to overcome but I need to do it for me... It has sucked up half of my existence and it has to stop... I read all you guys write thanks!
This is the time to do a lot of "little" things for you. Buy yourself that tea, or coffee or whatever, that you really like, or have always wanted to try. And a fancy new cup to drink it in. Give yourself tiny little treats each day...a long hot bath if you have a tub, or rent that movie that nobody else is interested in but you are. Explore a new hobby that you've been curious about. Do something creative if you can, whether it's cooking, quilting, or just messing around with homemade Playdoh.
Let your inner child out for a run.
And if you can do some of the fun stuff with friends, so much the better. As a veteran agoraphobe I have to agree with Josh. Sometimes going out to the corner is the kindest thing you can do for yourself, even if it's just to drop a bill in the mailbox. Because, if you're like me (and I'm sure you're not) you will realise--"Hey! Cars! Trees! People!" Somehow for me it's OK on the open street. (Shopping centres however are usually bad news, but then they're a lot noisier here than in the US).
Yesss..Anna (YG) agrees with me. Haha!
I wouldn't go so far to say I'm an agoraphobe. I certainly sometimes lose patience with people but I still take walks thru the mall on Friday night so that I don't feel totally deserted. I hardly ever (if any) make any lasting connections with people. Even though there is a group of gorgeous women I've gotten to know at one of the stores. I should ask one of them out. I wish. Haha
I usually hide in the crowd but for whatever reason I draw people to me who tell me personal stories or whatever. I always joke and say I wear a shirt that says, "what's your story?" Ha!
Anyhow!!
My point is this - I know the feeling of "I'm a depressed anxiety wreck". As I said earlier, I broke down quite a few times in public but it's ok because I was real. I was genuine. I remember walking out of my apartment after one break up 3 years ago and feeling the sun and the breeze and I broke down balling. Why?!! I dunno.. But I did.
But you know what else I did? I kept going. I kept pushing towards my goals, my dreams. I'll be honest, at first I did things thinking I could get her back. It then sunk in - she's not coming back. And I had to work thru that. I realized that making my own progress for me is for me and my future.
You will do the same for you and your future. You'll do it in the here and now. Believe me, the things you do now certainly will have a role as you grow older. You don't know what lies ahead. No one does. So I'll let you in on some insight - it's all about balance. Balance in being centered, I believe, is the key to life. It's going to be a struggle and a war as you search for that balance. But that's what makes life real. Not actual war and actual struggle..but self-exploration.
I hope this helps.
Take care, Amy.
You've been given some great advice, Amy! And I am proud of you for taking steps towards healing. Something I would suggest, that probably has already been mentioned, is volunteering. I find it can do wonders for the heart. Be gentle with yourself. (((hugs)))
thank you everyone! abrimmer i did send out some resumes so i can get a volunteering gig... i think that would be great and would keep me busy... i think next weekend i'm going to the library and i will rent a few books as well... also i'm thinking a long walk with my dogs and a night out with friends... 4 days ED free! cross your fingers i can conquer this, my mindset is never again...
you can do it! set up a calendar to cross off days.
you can do it! set up a calendar to cross off days.
already did lovely lady <3 i can do this i'm sick of it controlling my life!
Awesome, Amy!! I think the volunteer work will be wonderful. And of course nothing beats long walks with furry friends and a night out with non-furry ones. ;) You are a lot stronger than you think you are, and I admire your courage. Just remember you're not alone. :)
thank you <3 i just wish you people lived my me and could come hangout and give me a hug :(
Aw, I would most certainly give you a hug if I could... ((((((HUGS)))))
Amy~
Just wanted to drop in and tell you I'm still thinking about you. Hope today was a good one! All of the advice on here is great and I second most of it. If you're ever up towards the Bay area (if I remember you're somewhere near/around/outside of LA) let me know!! I've got a guest room and the city is 8 miles from my door.
My tip for the day; cuddle with your doggies!! :)
yay (((hugs))) lauren i actually really want to go to SF it is on my to do list... i will let you know when i get around to actually doing it LOL
1) Hugs Amy!
2) Don't just try to swallow or drown out the pain - it will just make the memories harder to bear. If you are OK to talk about your experiences, talk to whomever you are comfortable talking to - it will help you come to terms with the past. I spent a year stewing over my last relationship before I came to terms with her emotional abuse not being my fault, probably because I didn't try talking to anyone about it.
3) Like Jess said, go out and do things. I made the mistake of being reclusive and stewing. I think when you do that you just get caught in an endless cycle of sadness and frustration. Having people - especially friends - helps you get your life back on track. Be careful with the exercise one though. I did that one too, and I would go until I was totalled. Looking back, I think I was subconsciously punishing myself.
4) Don't blame yourself. I haven't been around very much lately, but from what I have gathered, he was the type who uses people. He finds a nice lady, acts like a prince as long as she has something to offer him, and then leaves when he feels that someone can offer him more. The car and the motorcycle incidents are hallmarks of this type. I actually cut ties with my best friend of 12 years last month when I realized that he had become this type, after abandoning his GF and their 2 year old son because she had essentially nothing left to offer him. He went and found someone new who had plenty of alcohol and sex to offer him without putting any demands on him, and the cycle started again.
Please, please, please do not blame yourself Amy. It may be a cliche', "it's not you - its him" but it holds so true.
My former childhood firend did this to my friend Liz.
My mother married and divorced one.
My cousin married, divorced, and lost a child to one.
You are not the only one.
5) If you want someone to scream at, feel free to add me to your MSN.
6) More hugs. :)
I hope this helps and that I don't sound too harsh.
Pages